St. Anne

When I was pregnant with Julia my sister found a portrait of St. Anne at a yard sale. My sisters daughter thought St. Anne was the patron Saint of little girls so the portrait was left for me and Julia. St Anne is the Mother of Mary but I prayed to her anyway. The best way any non-Catholic could. I was thinking about her today and did a little research of my own. Here's a prayer I found that seemed fitting.

Prayer to Saint Anne

Glorious Saint Anne, filled with compassion for those who invoke thee, and with love for those who suffer, heavily laden with the weight of my troubles, I cast myself at thy feet and humbly beg of thee to take the present affair which I recommend to thee under thy special protection.

Vouchsafe to recommend it to thy Daughter, the Blessed Virgin Mary, and lay it before the throne of Jesus, so that He may bring it to a happy issue. Cease not to intercede for me until my request is granted. Above all, obtain for me the grace of one day beholding my God face to face, and with Thee and Mary and all the Saints, praising and blessing Him to all eternity. Amen.

My Savior, My God by Aaron Shust

My Savior, My God

I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at his right hand
Stands one who is my savior

I take him at his word and deed
Christ died to save me this I read
And in my heart I find a need
For him to be my savior

That he would leave his place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my savior

My savior loves, my savior lives
My savior's always there for me
My God he was, my God he is
My God he's always gonna be

Yes, living, dying; let me bring
My strength, my solace from this spring
That he who lives to be my king
Once died to be my savior

That he would leave his place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my savior

My savior loves, my savior lives
My savior's always there for me
My God he was, My God he is
My God he's always gonna be

Big Day!

Today was a big day in the Carlson household! First we went and viewed the new apartment. It's 1000 times better than what we have now! We signed a letter of intent to lease the new apartment and put down a small deposit. It looks like we'll be moving in the beginning of October! Yay! Just in time for my Birthday!

Second Miss Julia has a new talent!! This one is a huge milestone for her! We've been working on it with her therapist. She's rolling all over the place! She started rolling on my bed tonight to get to the curtains(she loves to play with them). I was helping Nick with some homework and she rolled herself half off the bed onto a pile of blankets. So now that she knows what it's like to be mobile she's going to be into EVERYTHING! She's quick too! This move is just in time! The stairs here are horrible. I think the Lord said, you have this new apartment so let's make Julia mobile!

Can you say attitude? She also pulls her hair when she doesn't get what she wants! I've decided this one's not so cute anymore and I'm correcting her.

I'm so proud of my baby girl!

Julia's congenital heart defect (CoA) quilt block

HEAVEN'S VERY SPECIAL CHILD

HEAVEN'S VERY SPECIAL CHILD

A meeting was held quite far from Earth!
It's time again for another birth.
Said the Angels to the LORD above,
This Special Child will need much love.

His progress may be very slow,
Accomplishments he may not show.
And he'll require extra care
From the folks he meets down there.

He may not run or laugh or play,
His thoughts may seem quite far away,
In many ways he won't adapt,
And he'll be known as handicapped.

So let's be careful where he's sent,
We want his life to be content.
Please LORD, find the parents who
Will do a special job for you.

They will not realize right away
The leading role they're asked to play,
But with this child sent from above
Comes stronger faith and richer love.

And soon they'll know the privilege given
In caring for their gift from Heaven.
Their precious charge, so meek and mild,
Is HEAVEN'S VERY SPECIAL CHILD.


by Edna Massionilla

Life lately has just been a bowl of cherries

I just want to start out with depression sucks! Life lately has just
been a bowl full of cherries! I've been hurt by so many
people since Julia has entered our lives. The first big blow came when
a letter came in the mail about a month after Julia came home from the
hospital. It was a termination letter from my job stating I had no
more FMLA left. A job I was promised would be there no matter what
when I was ready to return. To make matters worse I worked for a
church so I thought that would get me somewhere. It's the same church
I attend every week. The only thing that has changed is the ministers
I worked under were transferred out of state. They were wonderful to
us and even left a letter stating my situation for the new people. I
am still so hurt that they terminated me. But wait it doesn't end there!

I live in this dumpy 2 bdrm apartment on the 2nd and 3rd floor with a
very steep set of stairs, well 2 actually. Anyway we've been working
on getting out of here into something bigger. But due to my lack of
income we can't afford much. So we applied for some affordable
housing. They lose the friggin application. I called so many times to
check on it and no one ever bothered to call me back. Eventually I
found some email addresses of the top big wigs and emailed them.
Bingo! I got a call back but I had to start all over again. In the
mean time we've been to several places to get help and been turned
away because my husband has an income. We'd be better off if he didn't
work!!!! The we'd get help. My own church even said they couldn't help
us because they felt the old ministers helped us too much. Can you say
OUCH again? So I no longer even want to attend the church because I'm
fuming inside.

Finally we got Julia approved for Katie Beckett insurance for
chronically ill children to help with our co-pays. One positive step
forward it only took several months.

In the beginning of August we got a letter from the housing company
saying we had to pay off our debt that was in collections before they
would process our application further. Okay so we paid it in full and
sent them proof. Today they called and said our landlord stated on the
reference form that we habitually paid our rent late. We yeah DUH! We
have a medical hardship and we're trying to get ahead! It would be a
big help to get into the affordable housing we applied for. Nope they
said we didn't meet their qualifications and turned us down!!! SO now
what??? I was pissed and called the landlord and asked why he gave us
a bad reference. We've always told him when we'd be late and always
paid our rent when we said we would. So he's willing to write them a
letter. But is it too little too late? Why can't we get help when we
need it? We are completely falling through the cracks in the system.
And then add my depression on top of it all.

Okay I feel little better.

Depression

Depression kind of feels like you're under water fighting to get to the surface but no matter how hard you try you can just never reach it. The things around you just don't matter. I'm fighting lately to get up, get dressed and get going. I know that doing these things is vital to getting to the surface again. I wonder just how sad my sister felt when she took her own life. Did she get to the point where she drowned in her depression? Why Did you leave me to fight this battle without you? Didn't you know how much we loved you? Why didn't you fight harder to get back to the surface? I miss you so much! I will surface and fight because what you did just wasn't right. In Memory of Julie Ann Finkle who took her own life on 10-25-05 www.suicideprevention lifeline.org

Trying to find a blog site that's easy to use!

I guess my wishes for this site is that it become a place to talk about the entire family. Julia's Carepage is dedicated to her and her struggles with CDH. I want this space to be where I can come and tell you about the family.

I miss the boys. Scotty is working his first job ever in Maine at Camp Sebago. Where did the time go? When did my baby grow up? Just yesterday I was changing his diapers! Now he's old enough to work! The best part of this whole thing is when he calls and says, I miss you and I love you mommy. The days of him calling me mommy are few and very far in between! His first day of doing dishes for the campers he called and told me it was really hard work and that he thought he might want to come home. I had to remind him it wouldn't always be 90 degree's out and that he needed to give the job some time so he could adjust. I like the idea that he learns what its like to work and earn money but at the same time my heart knows what he is going through. I've started collecting things to send to him in a care package like a fan for his room. Actually he comes home tomorrow for a short break and goes back on July 4th and I'll send it with him.

Nicholas is at Camp Sebago as a camper. Having a blast I'm sure like he always does. He'll be home tomorrow too for just a short break before he returns for another week. He's signed up for 4 weeks of camp then football practice starts.